I’ll Write It Myself!
I played piano for a lovely memorial service Saturday and made an important decision. I’m writing my own eulogy for my own sweet self.
Oh yes, my family could write something as lovely as could be. Not truth, but they could do it. But like Joe Friday used to say, ‘I want just the facts, ma’am.’
First of all, I am being cremated. For old times sake and to be authentic, some of my ashes must be spilled. As an inveterate spiller of all things, that would be an apt tribute to begin the show. Well, not begin. I’ve had blue urns for me and the old man for years. Gotta be prepared, you know.
If there is to be music, I want some jammin’ hymns by a Celtic band – again, I’ve got that covered. And a song by the Poet Voices, I’ll Get Carried Away When I Get Carried Away. And the song I love playing very raucously at our hymn sings – I’ll Fly Away.
Then my guests will need to eat – lots of things I haven’t allowed myself to eat during ‘my frail maturity.’ Like pecan pie, and Peanut Buster Parfaits, and lots of rolls like Ronald’s mama used to make. And lots of Key Lime Pie! They can add to the menu with stupid ‘healthy’ stuff. I’m prayin’ that in heaven sugar free and no carbs will be a thing of the past!
And if they must, a slide show of pictures of me may be shown ONLY if the pictures have all been very seriously altered by a professional picture adjuster!!!!!
They can make up their own obituary, but again, let’s just do the facts.
On to the lies – I mean the eulogy. First of all, here’s the beginning sentence = Today we are honoring an extremely sophisticated woman of extreme intelligence who was touted by all to be the ideal Proverbs 31 woman. Like I said = lies, lies, lies! But wouldn’t that be fun to be all those things? Maybe not. Something I don’t need to worry about anyone saying about me and that’s ‘just the facts.’
When I was working on trying to get a publisher for my books, I was told by a writing coach I needed a brief biography, serious and well written.
The only ‘well’ was well there is no way on God’s green earth could I write that! So I gave up on that dream.
So I’ve got the urn, the music, the food, and here’s the eulogy.
Kara Beth took her flyin’ leap into eternity, happy as a lark. She’s in heaven and expects all her friends and relatives to make their hearts right with the Good Lord so they can join her there for eternity. The end.
Then having my ashes mixed with blue edible glitter and thrown off the back of a cruise ship. That’s the plan.
And I am serious!
Psalm 16:11 You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures evermore.
Philippians 3:20-21 The Message. ‘But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of hight heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthly bodies into glorious bodies like His own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which He is putting everything as it should be, under and around Him.
Romans 8:38-39 NKJV For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor thins present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Blessings
Kara Beth
