Achoo!!!

This is by a guest blogger who is a fellow inmate of this fine facility. I take no responsibility for what follows. I thought her blog too funny, so I just had to post it – though I will apologize for some of the crass phrases. Here goes.

Despite my upbringing where I was to say what will be a blessing or don’t speak at all, I’m letting’ ‘er rip!

Have you ever heard the expression, ‘I can’t take a dump without everyone knowing it?’

Welcome to my world!

I was headed out the door, stopped to cross my legs so I could sneeze, three times to be exact. From 40 feet away, I hear, ‘Bless you.’ It was sweet but hysterical. Having neighbors who care is a good thing. Most times, anyway.

The place I live is touted as a Senior Living facility, but those who designed the villas wouldn’t know proper ‘aging in place’ criteria if it bit them in the butt! I’m sure the architects flunked ‘Building for Old People 101.’ The place is an accident waiting to happen!

I’ll start with the doors. They have the proper type of handles but there are so many of them so awkwardly placed a person using a walker or in a wheelchair can’t move easily from one room to another. Even those of us who can still walk find it annoying when one door clunks into another.

What is a grab bar in the shower? Apparently something unnecessary in this place.

Carpeting is most everywhere – thick carpeting – not ADA. Strips between carpet in the bedroom and tile in the bathroom are poorly attached. The split in the middle of the metal is sharp, and the screws which will not stay down are dangerous to step on. Carelessly installed, they are health hazards causing tripping and cuts.

The kitchen has a perfect recipe for disasters in several ways.

Those of us who from birth are short in the shank can barely reach the poorly placed cabinets. Builders should have also considered the many who can’t reach their arms above their shoulders or even stand up straight! The lower cabinets with inadequate shelving should be drawers. Typical old people have poor balance or damaged backs. Leaning over with your head in the back of the cabinet and your rear up in the air can result in a fall in a heartbeat.

I don’t know the owners, but I’m thinkin’ they don’t have a lick of sense! The assisted living place got a ‘new’ baby grand piano with enough scratches to make me think the movers juggled it with iron-spiked mitts into a corner with huge windows facing south. The ‘new’ instrument has enough sticky and out of tune keys to send a genuine musician out the door.

Had they asked me, which they didn’t, they should have spent the money on fixing the kitchen in the clubhouse so our wonderful staff has an easier time in food prep and serving. It’s been substandard for them for months! No excuse!!!

The owners recently spent money on absolutely inappropriate decorations for this entire facility. They wanted it to look like the Ritz Carlton. What we got were chairs and couches that are too low with squishy arms instead of sturdy chairs the right height with arms high enough to push up safely. The couches match but are so deep most of us have to put large pillows behind our backs to sit halfway comfortably.

I could go on and on, but though Kara Beth said I could use 700 words, I’m too tired of being grumpy to continue. Senior Living – Bah Humbug!

I will be posting my rebuttal tomorrow.

KB