Oops!

I told Ronald the other day I was going to write a cookbook. He looked at me over his glasses with a stare of total disbelief. Of course, I was kidding, but I thought of a few titles. How about “How Not to Cook” or “Globs, Crisps, and Surprises – The Ultimate Guide to Interesting Cuisine!”

After today’s incident, I realized writing a cookbook wasn’t what I should do. I need to host a world famous cooking show!

I can’t think of the name of the show those two guys made a few years ago where they blew something up or showed how something wouldn’t work well. I could do that! In any number of ways! It would be a red-neck favorite – blowing something up after saying, “I wonder if this would work.”

You know how Emeril would always say, “Bam!” then everyone would applaud and gobble his delicious food? Well I can one-up the man. On my show I would be screaming, “Help!” and Ronald would be calling the fire department. EMTs would have to be summoned for various stomach ailments and respiratory distresses. Much more exciting.

So, I ended up getting a new stove today. Here’s the perfectly logical reason. I caused the stove to crack a few months ago because I was multitasking but it only affected half the stove, so I kept using it. An unintentional mishap, right?

My guilty conscience was entirely to blame for today’s fiasco!!!

My favorite menu is ‘Leftovers Ala What Was That?’ or the “Every Man for Himself Special.” After a few days and nights of that fare, I decided Ronald deserved better efforts on my part to provide some tasty dish. I planned what I would cook before I went to bed last night.

This morning, I prepared the side dishes. How clever of me! The spicy noodles were microwaved to perfection with added Velvetta cheese to ease the zesty sharpness. The chicken was placed in the oven at just the right time. To save calories, I lightly oiled the breaded okra and placed it in the air fryer. Because that machine gets a little hot. I placed it on the stove top. That’s where my trouble began.

I did something else and came back to the stove where smoke was boiling from the top, bottom, and middle of the air fryer. Ronald said something was burning because there was too much smoke. I said Tep says hers always smokes some. “Not that much!” says he.

I checked the okra, and it was barely done. Investigating further, I found the source of the smog that was steaming above the oven. Beneath the air fryer, the round electric element glowed a bright red – or what I could see of it beneath the melted turquoise plastic.

I immediately launched the standard emergency procedures, moved the small appliance from the burner,  turned off the dial I had accidentally flipped, and opened windows. Overhead fans helped move the acrid smoke outside.

My first attempt to get the fryer outside ended up with it slipping from my hands and crashing to the floor. At least, a floor tile wasn’t broken in the process. My beautifully hued air fryer screamed a fond farewell as I threw it out the back door. I momentarily thanked God for the recent rains that would prevent a recurrence of the grass fire of a few months ago.

Oh, well. My good intentions went up in flames. My to-do list for the day was worthless as RD and I shopped instead.

All I can say is cooking is so overrated!

I hope no one finds this sacrilegious, but God did say to bring our burnt offerings. And a new air fryer is on the budget for next month. Argh!

I always said God takes care of children, fools, and women drivers. I’m adding one item to the list with a truly thankful heart – God protects me – the Ultimately Challenged Chef!

1 Thessalonians 5 says I am to give thanks in all things for this is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus. And I do!

Blessings

Kara Beth