FANCY DRESSES, TOILETS, and REALITY CHECKS

First of all, I have a word of wisdom today that may save some poor lady from a horrendous accident.

DO NOT wear slippery pantaloons under your long dress when riding in a car going down curving Georgia back roads!

I’ll not explain. Just use your imagination.

There are other times when a person needs to carefully consider one’s attire. I decided today I was feeling very creative and wanted to wear one of my funkier dresses as we went out to eat. I got the dress several years ago to wear on cruise and haven’t worn it more than ten times max. It is not the kind of outfit one normally sees one wearing in the middle of the day in the middle of nowhere Georgia. But I do need to wear it more often before the material rots from old age!

By the time I ironed that rascal, I was even more determined to wear it. That much work warranted my wearing it whether or not it was appropriate.

I had another reason. We were going to celebrate our oldest grandson’s 18th birthday.

At this point of my story, please feel free to do the following … “Gasp”, you exclaim in amazement. “Surely you can’t be that old!”

Ah well, to continue …

Part of my determination to wear the unusual, flowing dress was to show I was not a fuddy-duddy grandmother. I was declaring myself to be young at heart, capricious, and full of fun and whimsy.

To get an idea what my dress was, go to Lotus Traders Clothing. The company is in Bali and specializes in BoHo Chic, extremely unique styles. They even make specialized dress for ladies like me who wear ‘blessed sizes’ as we say ‘round here. If you like clothes that are out of the ordinary, you’ll love Lotus Traders.

Imagine if you will, a lovely, blue, batik, long sleeved, ‘peasant renaissance maxi dress’ with a dramatic overlay converging into points that are ‘fluttery and flirtatious’. Really. I love it!

Well, I was feeling pretty fancy. Since we had a few minutes before we were to meet Stephanie’s family at American Pie, we decided to get our rat killin’ done at the Walmart next door.

It wasn’t too long before we were running late because Mama was walking even slower than I was! While I paid for stuff, I sent her on out where Ronald had the car pulled up next to the door. But I just had to go to the bathroom!

I grabbed my bags and hurried for the bathroom. I slung my purse and the purchases on the hook on the back of the door and threw the toilet seat cover quickly onto the seat.

This is totally too much information, but it was too funny not to share.

I thought I had all the layers of my full maxi skirt pulled up, but alas! One of my ‘fluttery and flirtatious points’ dipped into the tee-tee water!

I said a few appropriate ‘oh my goodness’ words, sopped the tail of my dress overlay, washed my hands, and went on my way feeling a little less glamorous and a whole lot more unpretentious.

As I struggled with my stuff out the door, I feared one more humiliating possibility. I slunk slowly out of the bathroom and whispered to the lady I was passing to check the back of my dress. I wanted to make sure it was all flowing behind me instead of having one of the layers of this amazing outfit tucked up into the nether regions of my silky pantaloons!

Proverbs 16:18 “Pride precedes destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall” seems rather appropriate.

Maybe I’d better be more concerned that my grandchildren see something other than my whimsical clothing.

Proverbs 3:3 “Don’t ever forget kindness and truth. Wear them like a necklace. Write them on your heart as if on a tablet.”

All I can say is, well, bless my heart. And blessings to all.

                     KB